Change.

I have changed so much…my personality to my appearance. I'm not as shy/quiet as I used to be. But, I am still shy and quiet. I feel a little bit more confidant now. I'm not self-conscious anymore. Although, I like to know people's opinions of me I don't really take them in and let them consume me. I'm still not quite comfortable in my skin.

I used to be super sensitive when it came to what people thought of me. It was to the point where I would secretly cry about it.

I swear I used to hate myself so much. I don't think anyone could imagine how much hatred I had towards myself back then. I thought I was sooo ugly. I had short hair and really bad acne. NO boys liked me or even took a second look at me…Well not until 8th grade I think.

I was raised as the only girl out of 2 boys (1 older and younger brother). So, while other girls were playing with their dolls n crap, being girl girls, I was doing what my brothers did (play video games, sports, etc.). I dressed in baggy, boyish clothing. I was basically a tomboy. I still will rock a pair of baggy jeans, lol.

I started dressing like a girl for my mother and the attention from the boys, lol. But, I've always been told I dress nice.

My mother always made sure I knew how to be a lady. Every event we attended she would always make sure I was best looking thing there. She used to make me ball gowns. Everybody would always say she's so pretty/cute and when I got older people always said I look like a model. Me hearing how beautiful I was wasn't enough. Because I could never see it in me.

As for friends, I always kept one friend. That one friend was my best buddy. I think I always put more into a friendship than other person. Well, the friends I had when I was younger it seemed that way. My friendships would always end due to me moving or they showed their real colors. I tried to stay friends with one of my childhood friends (Katie). I would be like so happy if I could find her. She was the only one that like accepted me for who I was and vice versa. Those were the good days  I miss her…

Real friends like her are so hard to find nowadays. You don't know who's saying what to whom behind your back, why they are trying to be your friend. Do they want something from you? You know? I don't have that many friends nor do I want lots of friends.

Boys??? OMG, lol. Boys never really paid any attention to me. But, when one did I was all smiley and giggly, lol. I believed everything they said  unfortunately that led to my itty bitty feelings to hurt. Because boys lie and will tell you what you want to hear to get what they want. But, I am still a lil giggly and cheesy when it comes to boys, lol. One thing I won't do is play fool and act naive…like I don't know what boys are capable of (breaking hearts).

I know I'm not where I should be in life but I will get there soon enough. I like the person I've come to be even though I know this progression isn't finished. I'm proud of who I am. I have secure morals and values. I'm not that same naive little girl anymore. I don't care about who you think I am, as long as I know exactly who I am.

I don't need to understood all the time, just accepted 