I have not failed.

Surprisingly (to myself), I went to America's Next Top Model open call this year. It was just as expected. No, I was not chosen.

This is what I endured:
I got there at around 9am. Wait, let me say that I left my house at 6am:|
Any who, when I got there it was already dozens of females that also had arrived early, seeing as the open call initially started at 10am.
When I got in line a security guard asked to see my I.D. I was instantly nervous, but with the help of music it wasn't so bad. I have no idea how long I was in line. Oh, yeah we were also given an America's Next Top Model bag thing (nothing special). After I waited in line I was led to a room full of females, and chairs. Before I got to the room with the chairs they checked my bag, and I was scanned with a metal detector.
Then I proceeded to the table to get my number, a blue paper wristband, and America's Next Top Model stamp on the wristband.
When I first got into the room with chairs I had to wait in line to turn in my application, and be seated numerically. I was number 282.
I watched as they took around 50-75 girls at a time numerically to another room. As I waited I listened to my IPod until it died :( Then I was forced to listen to everyone talk...dreadful.
Of course there was press there. Some man and two ladies were taking pictures of girls that were willing to pose.
My group was finally gathered, and we were led into a smaller room. There was one wall of the room sectioned off for ANTM cast table, two lights, and a video camera on a tripod. We were told to line up really close around the perimeter of the room. I'm glad there weren't any funky people near me. They explained how this process would go...one girl will step up to the marker look into the video camera, and recite her name, age, height, and weight. I was hecka nervous, but I did as told.
After all the girls had done so we had to wait like 3-2mins as they choose who they wanted amongst themselves. They said "Listen for your number. If you number is called, please stay where you are. If you're number is not called you are free to leave."...As they read off the numbers numerically I hoped to hear my number. I never heard it. When they were finished calling the numbers the woman said coldly, "The numbers that were called stay, and to everyone else thank you. You can leave.”|
Before you actually left out the building you had to get the wristband cut off.

I didn't see, but one of the people chosen. I saw her smile, and say "Oh my god."...yes, she was gorgeous.


And it wasn't after I wasn't picked that I realized how much I really wanted it. I wasn't immediately crushed that I wasn't picked. I was like content with it, but then the bus took all day, and I was tired. So then I got mad, lol. Anger is the face of hurt.
When I got home I started to get downhearted. I felt inadequate, defeated...disappointed. I kind of felt like I had let my mom down, and anyone who ever believed in me. I know my mom probably wanted it for me more than I did for myself. She has always encouraged my whole "modeling dream", and for me not to be able to come home like "Ma, I made!" kind of left me almost embarrassed. She would have been so proud of me. I know I'll always be her little model, lol.
I know I told myself awhile ago that I threw that dream away. Me not getting picked made me want to abandon that dream completely, and never look back.

I concluded even though I didn't make it I'm proud of myself. I went there with a positive attitude. As far as I'm concerned I conquered that quest. ;)

I hope I can live up to this statement "I'll be the best ANTM never had."

On an ending note I'll leave you guys with some neat quotes:
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

"We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery." - Samuel Smiles

"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." - Elaine Mazwell

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely." - Henry Ford