A little change in color

I decided I wanted to change the color of my hair. My hair is black. I wanted to add a little color to the tips of the front of my hair. The tips were supposed to be red. I really wanted the tips to be blonde, red, and purple fading into each other. I know that sounds like a bit to much, lol. It would of been just a highlight, not too much. First off, my resources for this to happen was very limited. All I had was Clairol Pure White 40 and Kiss Express hair color in Truly Red. I Googled other ways I could lighten my hair with at home products and only found peroxide. I had peroxide, but I had used it before to lighten my hair and didn't see much of a difference. I wanted to try household bleach, but I was scared, lol. I Googled that too. Most people said my hair would fall out. Definitely didn't want that, lol. I asked my mama she told me I could use the Clairol Pure White 40 by itself to lighten my hair. That's exactly what I did and it took FOREVER to start showing a change. My hair only got a little bit lighter; dark brown. After I washed that out, I put the Kiss color in. That couldn't give me the color I wanted because my hair wasn't light enough. The tips of my hair is now a dark maroon. Not the color I was looking for, but it doesn't look bad.

Facebook for my YouTube!

I had been telling myself I was going to make a FaceBook for my YouTube channel, but never got around to do it. Last night I finally did it, lol. I dont'e have much on it, but it's something for now. This we give me chance to interact with my subscribers more and share more photos and updates.

I'm thinking about a twitter, but that's too much for me, lol.

Am I the last virgin?

"Unlike Webster's Ninth New Collection Dictionary, which says a virgin is "free of impurity or stain; chaste; modest; unsilled," The Great Cosmic Mother (Harper & Row Publishers, 1987)by Monica Soj?? and Barbara Mor defines a virgin as a woman who is "one in-herself; not belonging to a man." In the beginning, virginity had more to with sexual chasity. The word was derived from a Latin root meaning strength, force, skill. And I like that. The Great Cosmic Mother as a woman is my ideal:  a woman with her tightly coiled 'fro and taut but not waifish body, in the tropical isles, of course, giving and receiving pleasure physically, handling her business and not being owned by a soul. Even if it means I'm the last one left, I hope to remain a virgin all my life." 

- Tara Roberts

Essence(June 1994) 

Pg. 118

I found this article a long time ago and thought I should share it with someone.

stone by stone.

I have a wall you cannot see
because its deep inside of me
It blocks my heart on every side
and help emotions there to hide
You can't reach in
I can't reach out
You wonder what its all about.

The wall I built
You cannot see
results are from inscurity
each time my tender heart was hurt
the scars with in grew worse and worse
so stone by stone my wall built inside of me

Please understand that is not you
continue trying to break through
i want so much to show myself
and love from you will really help

so bit by bit
chip at my wall
till stone by ston its starts to fall
i know the process will be slow
its never easy to let go of hurts and failures long ingraved

upon ones heart from years of pain
im so afraid to let you in,
theres still that chance i might get hurt again.

i try so hard to break the wall
but seem to get not where at all
for stone upon each stone ive stalked
and left between then not a crack
the only way to make it fall
Is imperfections in my wall

i did the best i could to built a perfect wall,
but yet there are still a few small flaws,
which are the key to breaking through the wall to me,
Please try an use each flaw,
to cause a crack
to knock a stone off the stack
please don't play me
as my wall may begin to build,
just try to love me
and the stones of my wall my just collapse

I built a wall of insecurity.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

I built to protect,

protect the things you cannot see.

Hide the things I even keep from myself

And most of all hide you from me.

I want you blind.

I keep a mean look on my face to keep them away.

Stay away, dont get too close.

I fear you breaking the one thing I need the most,

My heart.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

If you get in I'll push you out.

Push, kick, scream, and cry you out,

never to let back in.

I might smile once.

But, twice is too much.

Cause I know you can make me happy.

But, its when you make me regret thats hurts me at your best.

I wont look you in the eye,

just pass you by.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

I walk alone.

I walk nowhere it seems.

But, I run from you.

Play hide 'n' seek,

I hide and hope you never seek whats inside.

You compliment my phsyical appearence

And thats all I will let you see.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

You see my face, you know my fears, press my buttons to play your game.

I tell you nothing.

So, you will know nothing.

You cant feel my pain,

Or see it in my face.

I speak my words quietly and politely.

I say nice things in spite of my anger.

Strangers stay strangers.

No trust for friends.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

Life of loniness.

Eyes full of sorrow.

I have no words to spare.

I have no love to borrow.

I emptied my heart and dried my eyes.

I become numb.

I stay unkown.

No emotions to nurture my soul.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

I am alone.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

I refuse to let you in cause I'm fearing the worst.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

I built to protect,

protect the things you cannot see.

I built a wall of insecurity,

Or did insecurity build me?

If you happen to get in protect me, too.

Don't add to the hurt or play foolish games.

Just help me take down the wall of insecurity I built with pain.

Everytime

This is a song I wrote a very long time ago.

(verse one)

Everytime I see you boy I fall for you over n over again,

I try to tell myself "stop it" cause I know you aint my man,

your voice excites me,

I dont want nobody else,

you is all I need,

 forget the rest,

my love,

 my baby,

be my man,

 just keep lovin me at your best,

I love it like that

(chorus)

I wanna be with you,

forget them,

baby I need you,

baby be mine,

dont you wanna ride,

I'm gonna make you mine

(verse two)

Everytime I see you boy its like a high (your my drug),

your kisses are so sweet,

your hugs are my everything,

when you speak your words I get a chill in my soul,

baby lets grow together,

bein with you is like bein in heaven,

I like it like that

(chorus)

I wanna be with you,

forget them,

baby I need you,

baby be mine,

dont you wanna ride,

I'm gonna make you mine

(bridge)

Forget them other girls,

I can love you,

this is real,

I call yo name(baby),

I want yo attention,

now pay attention while I tell you how I feel

(verse three)

Everytime I see you boy I think of my fantasy,

(baby)you n me,

take your time,

I'm forever waitin on you,

(baby) its the truth,

my love,

my baby,

baby be my man,

I aint playin

(chorus)

I wanna be with you,

forget them,

baby I need you,

baby be mine,

dont you wanna ride,

I'm gonna make you mine

(outro)

You aint my man,

I wanna be yours

Uniquely made.

Uniquely made,

Heavenly created,

She stays serene,

Movin towards divinity,

Changes are whisperin,

Changing for the better,

Ignoreing who says what,

Time is against everyone,

Judgement holds her in,

Looking for ways out this circle she made from herself,

She finds another who nutures her soul,

Someone of her own,

Waitin for adulthood thinking this will set her free,

She keeps runnin,

Running from her own,

Taking what is givin,

She doesnt know what keeps her driven,

She used to know her way around herself,

Now she knows nothing but the world itself,

Breaking her apart,

Silent urges amerge from fantasies,

Her enemy faces her in the mirror,

Negativity leads with terror,

Chasing noone,

Finding what she thinks she've waited for,

Hoping this makes her whole,

There for her,

Cares for her,

With her,

Be to her what she needs,

Never found love,

She thinks love is finding her for the very first time,

Young, stupid, naive, dumb,

People think of her,

She feels alone,

Unknown,

Wanting exctasy,

Breathing deep,

Eyes full of sorrow,

Tears start to flow,

Purgeing her pain,

Shes hollow inside,

Scars on the outside burn to the bone,

Leaving behind all traces,

All over her body theres traces,

Traces take her self-esteem,

So she hoards words,